I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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