Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
