So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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