Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize