i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Everyone says I win the strip club
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
