At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
