if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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