Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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