We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
