So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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