mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
