Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize