u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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