sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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