I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
