Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
