I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
