please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
