and she was petting her beer can
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
