take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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