I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
