Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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