He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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