scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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