boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
