I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
