She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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