Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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