areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
