well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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