Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
