Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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