How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
