I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize