I'm so fucking centered right now
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
