nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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