I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
