Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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