I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
