The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
