I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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