he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's great music for shaving your balls
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
