idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my being single is dangerous.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
