he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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