he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
