I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
