you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
