the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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