A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
