I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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