I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
