he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
