woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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