Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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