His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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