If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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