I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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