i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
