Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
