I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
